Accepting what I cannot change has been one of the most liberating and empowering things I’ve ever learned to do. It has also been one of the hardest.
I am not going to suggest that anytime we face a difficult or disappointing situation we should just shrug our shoulders, accept it, and move on. Not at all. First, we must pray for “the wisdom to know the difference” between what we can change and what we can’t. If God is calling us to do something about it (i.e. ask for forgiveness, set a boundary, have a difficult conversation, forgive, stand up for what is right, become an activist, change of diet, save or spend money…), then we must do whatever it takes. But often God simply wants us to surrender and release the matter into His hands. Those are the times in which acceptance is the best choice.
I used to believe that by accepting things that didn’t lineup with my plans, goals, views, hopes, and so on I was suddenly defeated. Therefore, acceptance was not an option for me. Instead of praying for wisdom, I would immediately try to change the situation at all costs. With each attempt I would only become more frustrated than before, my inner-peace was quickly replaced by anxiety, and my joy was nowhere to be found. Not to mention the situation would never get fixed, and in some cases, it would actually get worse.
It took me a while, but I finally realized that acceptance doesn’t mean defeat. It simply means that I acknowledge that changing the situation is out of my control. I have learned that:
- Acceptance allows me to set realistic expectations for the situations that I cannot change.
- Acceptance puts an end to useless striving as it unwraps the sweet gift of surrender.
- Acceptance recognizes that I am facing something impossible for me, and invites me to turn to prayer. I might not be able to do anything about it, but God can!
- Acceptance hopes for a miracle, but does not need things to change to be at peace.
- Acceptance is an act of faith. It reminds me that God is in control and that He is still good.
- Acceptance does not equal passivity. It’s quite the opposite, when properly lived out it leads me to act on plan B when it becomes obvious that plan A is not an option.
What are you most disappointed about right now?
Is it within your power to do something about it? If so, seek the Lord for guidance and wisdom to know what your role is and what you need to do. However, if it becomes clear that this is a situation in which there is nothing you can do, I pray you ask the Lord to help you come to a place of acceptance. Whatever it is, you don’t have to like it or even agree with it, but if you want to have peace you must accept it. Surrender it to the Lord, adjust your expectations, figure out plan B, and you will soon begin to feel the frustration, anger, and anxiety lift off your shoulders.
God is good and faithful, He’s in control and He has a plan. Remain close to Him and He will show you how you need to respond. Either way, it is possible to experience victory in Him.
Your turn!
- What are you most disappointed about right now?
- What is under your control about that situation?
- What is not under your control?
- Do what you can do about the situation, and release the rest to God.
- Meditate on the Serenity Prayer.
