When I announced to my teens I wanted to start having family meetings, I could see the look of dread on their faces. I don’t blame them. The fact is the few family meetings we had in the past were always to address some kind of family issue, so the agenda involved a lecture, correction, and a consequence.
For this family meeting, however, I wanted to focus on unity, appreciation, and goal setting. I made sure to let them know that this meeting was going to be different, and that there would be a reward if they showed up with a good attitude.
It took some planning ahead of time, but once I had a good idea of what I wanted the outline to look like, I’ve been able to just follow the same outline each week.
This is what the outline for our first family meeting looked like:
PRAYER
QUOTE/VERSE
FAMILY MISSION STATEMENT
- Brainstorm what we want our family to be about.
- What do we want to be known for?
- What’s important for this family?
- What are our values? How do we reflect them?
- What’s the atmosphere we want in our home?
APPRECIATION/GRATITUDE
- Acknowledge progress
- Recognize hard work
- Acknowledge acts of kindness or self-sacrifice from family members
- What are we thankful for?
GROUP AND SELF-REFLECTION
- What went well this week?
- What do we need to do differently next week?
GOALS FOR THE MONTH
GOALS FOR THE WEEK
CHORE ASSIGNMENTS
DINNER MENU
CALENDAR
Starting with prayer was important to my husband and I because we wanted to invite God’s presence. We want Him to be the center of our home, and to lead our conversations with His Holy Spirit. We also wanted to include an inspirational quote or verse that we could refer to during the week to encourage each other.
As a Life Coach I’ve learned to appreciate the value of having a mission statement as an individual, as a family, and as an organization. For our first family meeting, we just focused on brainstorming and answering the questions I listed under “Family Mission Statement”. We decided to continue to work on it over the course of a month or so. Once we have a solid family mission statement, the plan is to recite it every time we have a family meeting. This should be a good reminder of what we are aiming for, and it should make it easier to identify when we are off track.
We then talked about the bullet points under “Appreciation/Gratitude”, and under “Group and Self-reflection”. It was really nice to go around the table and share what we appreciated about each other, what we were thankful for, and to reflect on the things that went well that week, as well as to talk about the things we could do differently.
Coming up with short-term goals for the month and for the week provided the opportunity to discuss the things we thought were important to accomplish as a family and as individuals. We made sure that each goal we wrote was attainable, and that everyone involved in each goal was in full agreement.
Discussing chores, the dinner menu, and the activities on our calendar for the week was a great way to get everyone on the same page. At the end of our meeting I told my kids I would buy whatever snack they wanted from the store (one per kid) and they were very happy with that as a reward since I tend to only buy “boring snacks”.
The following are some of the benefits I’ve noticed as a direct result of having family meetings:
- We’ve been noticing the nice things we do for each other throughout the week.
- We are all well informed of what’s going on during the week, which leaves very little room for misunderstandings, unmet expectations, or arguments about some of our typical conflicts.
- Because we’ve been writing our goals for the week, we got some pretty important things done that we would have otherwise neglected for who knows how long.
- We’ve been setting both task and relationship goals, and we’ve been able to reach every goal or almost every goal each week.
- We’ve spent a lot more time as a family.
- The kids have helped more around the house.
- We’ve been able to recognize and celebrate the big and small accomplishments of the week, which just makes everyone feel seen and appreciated.
I was excited to see that at the end of our first meeting my kids look of dread turned to excitement, and to actually hear them say they were looking forward to our next family meeting. We’ve had three so far, and continuing weekly or monthly family meetings is definitely one of my goals as a family.
Your turn!
- How will having family meetings change the dynamics in your home?
- What is a realistic schedule for your family to have meetings? Weekly, bi-weekly, or monthly?
- What kind of incentive can you offer your kids to encourage them to show up with a good attitude?
- Make your own outline or copy the one above, and schedule your first meeting!
Photo Credit: Bich Tran – Pexels
