“Mom, we have to be the first ones to get to school tomorrow morning!” my daughter announced with excitement. Her Language Arts teacher was going to assign poems for the school’s annual declamation contest, first come, first serve.
My daughter, who was in 6th grade at the time, wanted to recite Shakespeare’s “Is This a Dagger Which I See Before Me?”. She knew to have a shot at making it to the finals she had to choose one of the High School level poems, and she wanted to make sure she could get her first pick. This came as a bit of a shock to me because she doesn’t really have a highly competitive personality, but for some reason, she was all in for this contest.
We were up at the crack of dawn the next morning, and she was indeed the first student in line to talk to the teacher. She was able to select the coveted poem by Shakespeare, and for the next several weeks she worked her little heart out. What she lacks in competitiveness she makes up for in the way she expresses herself. Her dramatic flair really came through in all the “thees and thous”, hand motions, and pacing every time she practiced.
The time came for her to present in class, and much to our dismay she didn’t even make it to the semifinals. She was disappointed but took it in stride. However, I had a hard time processing the outcome. I saw how much effort she invested in this. I dreaded the thought of taking her to the contest, which was mandatory for students, thinking she would be disappointed to be sitting in the audience after all her hard work.
After digging a little deeper, I discovered part of me wanted the opportunity to see my daughter crush it in front of an audience, and relish in the pride that fills a momma’s heart when one of her children is publicly recognized for their effort. As much as I tell my kids that we do not live for the praises of man, that winning isn’t everything, that doing their best is what matters, there I was craving the affirmation that comes from public recognition for myself and for my daughter.
That realization hit me like a ton of bricks! I didn’t know the belief that victory must be attached to public recognition and accolades was still deeply ingrained in my mind. I didn’t know that every time I heard the words, “hard work pays off”, thoughts of prizes, medals, affirmation, and applause subconsciously filled my head. I knew I needed a new mindset. Yes, hard work pays off, but what if the payoff is personal growth through courage, perseverance, knowledge, and experience, mixed in with a good dose of humility?
Sitting in a folding chair at the school’s gymnasium, I found myself processing my new revelation during the declamation contest. I was still deep in thought when suddenly, I saw the Head Master make her way to the stage to announce the winners. One of my daughter’s closest friends won first place. I turned to look at my daughter. Her eyes welled up in tears as she jumped out of her seat to let out a deafening “YESSS!!!” while clapping her hands in excitement. As soon as we were dismissed she tackled her friend with a huge bear hug.
Completely unaffected by the hustle and bustle around me, time stood still as I watched the scene unfold from a distance. My momma’s heart was bursting with pride after all, and an overwhelming sense of gratitude filled my soul. The school’s gymnasium became holy ground as I was reminded once more that character is more important than public recognition, and that we live for an audience of One. No medals or applause could ever compete with the intimacy of that moment.
Is it nice to win and to be recognized? Of course! Should those moments be celebrated? Absolutely! But, should we only celebrate those victories? No, definitely not.
So here are some of the questions we now ask in our family when the outcome was not what we hoped for:
- Did you step out in faith?
- Did you do something brave?
- Did you conquer fear or insecurity to put yourself out there?
- Did you work hard?
- Did you persevere through difficulties?
- Did you do your best?
- Did you learn something new?
Not every answer has to be a “yes” to the questions above in order to celebrate, but these questions remind us that character is more important than public recognition, and that we live for an audience of One. May we always remember that.
Your turn!
- Print the list of questions or write your own to use next time you want to celebrate hard work and effort.
- What are some things you can do to celebrate?
- What is something you haven’t done because of fear of failure?
- How does the list of questions above help you change your mindset?
