“The thief comes only to steal, kill, and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.”
John 10:10
When I first married my husband, I had no idea family ski vacations were so high up on his happiness list. I grew up in a beach town in Mexico, and I didn’t see snow until I moved to the U.S. as an adult. On top of that, I was not what people considered outdoorsy or sporty. We live in Texas, so I thought surely my husband would get over his ski obsession at some point, right? Not so.
I gave skiing a try when we were newlyweds, and then several other tries after my kids were old enough to ski. I didn’t really like it or enjoy it. Pointing my skis downhill was a completely terrifying command for my safety-conscious mind. The thought of potentially falling and getting hurt, the stories of people breaking bones, and hanging out in freezing temperatures eventually led me to decide that skiing was not for me. Even though I had legitimate concerns, I knew I was making that decision based on fear. Deep inside, I longed to be able to join my family and have as much fun as they did.
The year I made up my mind about not skiing anymore, we planned a ski trip for Spring Break with friends. We were staying in a beautiful log cabin right off the slopes where I could see snow-covered pine trees from every window. I couldn’t think of a better place to stay for a week hanging out with friends by the fireplace, drinking hot cocoa, reading a good book, and binge-watching Netflix. I was all set to enjoy a relaxing week when sadly, after only a few runs, my daughter broke her leg skiing on the first day of the trip. One of my worst fears related to skiing had come true.
After the initial shock wore off, it didn’t take long for me to realize the power that had unexpectedly landed in my lap. I had the power to influence my daughter with my fear and dislike for skiing, now justified by her painful experience, and potentially turn a family ski vacation into a father-son ski trip only. Or, I could use the power to encourage her to get on skis again.
The weeks went by and her leg healed as expected. However, she was doubtful and afraid anytime she thought about skiing again. I knew I had to encourage her to face her fear and get on skis again, but that notion went entirely against my “good judgment”. The same judgment that has always told me to be overly cautious and play it safe. Why encourage her to do the very thing that caused her pain?
Ten months after her accident we went to a different ski resort. My daughter and I understood that this was a defining moment for her. We understood that whatever decision she made (to ski or not to ski), had the potential of shaping the way she would deal with painful or challenging situations in the future. We knew that she had to face her fear.
We somehow talked her into getting ready to go ski, and I walked outside to cheer her on from the sidelines. She had a short way to go downhill from the condo to the chairlift. After several minutes of standing there frozen (literally and metaphorically), she surrendered to her fear and gave up. The boys went ahead and my daughter and I headed back to the condo.
I love my girl and I dearly enjoy her company, but it just didn’t feel right to have her in the condo with me when she could be outside enjoying the fresh mountain air, the beautiful scenery, and skiing. The condo was no match for the amazing views she could experience from the top of the mountain. Staying in the condo did not suit her.
Funny how I was totally okay with making that decision for myself, but I could not bear the thought of my daughter doing the same thing. I want the world for her. I want her to be brave. I want her to live a full life, a life that is not limited by fear. I was ready to give her another pep talk when the Lord convicted me to lead by example. Before she could face her fear, I had to face mine.
I rented ski gear, got ready to go, and still my daughter did not want to come. My son and I went skiing together that afternoon, while my husband stayed with my daughter. To my surprise, I ended up having a great time! When we got back I told my daughter all about it and we decided that she would try again the next day.
The next morning, we all geared-up and headed to the chairlift. It was a clear sunny day, there was snow everywhere from the night before, and there were barely any people on the slopes. It was perfect. As soon as she took the first few turns down the slope she was hooked again. The look on her face after our first run was priceless!
Over Spring Break, she broke her leg. Ten months later, she broke a chain: the chain of fear that the enemy had immediately crafted after a painful experience to keep her from enjoying the gift of a fun family vacation. Thank God we’ll never know in what other ways that chain would have affected her life moving forward.
Yes, it is cozy and safe in the cabin. But there are no words to describe what experiencing the majestic views, overcoming fear and watching my baby succeed, did for my soul. Not to mention I actually enjoyed it that time!
As parents, we have the responsibility to model the kind of life we want our children to live. That’s why we must seek the Lord wholeheartedly to break our chains, heal from our hurts, and face our fears. Our example will influence them more deeply than any speech, experience, or material thing we ever give them. We can’t expect them to do things that we are not willing to do ourselves. Neither can we expect them to exhibit a character trait that we are not modeling for them, such as courage, persistence, grit, determination, forgiveness, compassion, kindness, respect, and so on.
I still have a long way to go in the “leading by example” department, but I’m thankful for the battles we’ve conquered, for the times that I get it right, and for the healing and freedom that come with each of those wins.
Just like I want my daughter to live a full life and conquer every mountain, our Heavenly Father wants that and more for all of His children. Let us come to Him for the grace we need to model for our kids the kind of life we wish for them. May they have a front-row seat to a life well-lived.
Your turn!
- What is one thing you would love to do, but the thought of it is beyond scary?
- When was the last time you modeled for your children overcoming fear?
- In what ways are you allowing fear to limit your life?
- Ask God to give you courage to pursue the dreams and desires He put in your heart.
Photo Credit: Caleb Evans – Mia about to ski her first black diamond five years after her accident. Family Ski Vacation 2023
