I remember the fun dates I used to plan with my kids when they were little: tea time at the American Girl store with my daughter, the annual mother-son dance, lunch dates, going to watch the latest Disney movie, picnics at the park, and taking my daughter to get her nails done for the first time, are among some of the many memories I treasure in my heart.
It was so easy to plan things to do with them. They were always available, excitable, and more than willing to participate in whatever activities I planned. They didn’t have smartphones, TikTok had not been invented, and I had control over the amount of time they spent playing video games or doing other things.
Fast-forward a few years and it seems like all they want to do is spend time in their room, on their phones, or with their friends (in person or online). On top of that, the mother-child dynamic begins to change during this time. As moms we need to transition from telling them what to do, to giving them the freedom to begin making their own decisions. That process is hard, and figuring out this new season can create tension with our teens making it difficult to be motivated to plan special activities with them.
However, we must remember that we are the adults in the relationship, and they are counting on us to act accordingly. This is not the time to be easily offended by a snarky comment, or to project our own insecurities on them, this is the time to rise up to the occasion and fight harder than ever to stay involved in their lives. The enemy would love nothing more than to see us detach from our teens, and we can’t afford to lose our influence over their lives.
I’ve always had a close relationship with my kids. However, it’s been easier for me to connect with my daughter because we seem to have more in common. Even though my son and I have a good relationship, I didn’t feel like we were really connecting. That feeling had been heavy on my heart, but I had not taken any proactive steps to change things. I’ve been taking classes to become a Life Coach, and one of the things I’ve learned is the importance of creating the space to come up with solutions for the areas in your life in which you’d like to improve. My relationship with my son is very important to me, so I decided to apply what I’ve been learning and it helped tremendously to have one of my peers coach me on this subject.
Since teenage boys love food, I thought that’d be a good place to start. I was inspired by a friend who is taking her daughter to a different coffee shop every Saturday, and I proposed to my son we start trying different breakfast places once a week. He loved the idea and we agreed that during our time together neither one of us can touch our phones from the time we get in the car, until the time we get back home. The only exception is to look at the menu if needed (which was the case on this photo).
We’ve been to three different places and we’re both looking forward to our next date. I’m journaling a short review of our experience at each restaurant (ambiance, food, and service), as well as a short summary of what we talked about so we can remember each date. I’ve learned so much about him over the last three weekends, and I really feel like we’re connecting. I have even noticed a change in how we relate to each other during the week. It’s like we’re both making big deposits in our love banks by doing this.
I would like to encourage you to look for opportunities to connect with your teen, and to device a plan to follow through. Whether you believe it or not, feel like it or not, your teens are counting on you to reach out to them, to hug and kiss them, to ask them about their day, to guide them, and to pray for them. In a few words, show up for them. They need to know more than ever that you are not going anywhere, and that even though everything is changing around them, they can count on your unfailing love for them.
Your Turn!
- Which one of your kids are you having a harder time connecting with?
- What are some things you both enjoy doing?
- How could you meet him or her where they’re at?
- Make the time to plan a special outing with your teen and put it on the calendar!
Photo Credit: Samantha Evans
